just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
