It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
