she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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