so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
