He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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