I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
