Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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