All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
