Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
