...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
zippers are such a cool invention
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
