My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
