im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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