now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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