Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
