Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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