Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
