About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My vagina is very pro this idea
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