How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
