Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
