Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
