Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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