I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
This is the high leading the old right now
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
