ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
