Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
