There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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