I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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