***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
