How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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