pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
