Christians are straight up FREAKS
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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