Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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