Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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