Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
