I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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