help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
