Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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