Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
