he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
