dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
