I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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