I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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