I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
