im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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