First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
