If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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