I hate your face
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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