He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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