Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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