my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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