Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I see more hoeing in ur future
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