don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize