Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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