i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
