How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize