I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
