seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Your cock deserves a montage
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
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