my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
