Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(253): View more from Washington

My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?

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(208): View more from Idaho

I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.

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(330): View more from Ohio

Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."

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(315): View more from New York

i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

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(678): View more from Georgia

I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.

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(562): View more from California

the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...

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(501): View more from Arkansas

Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.

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(718): View more from New York

Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.

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