i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
