I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
