OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
