We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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