I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
