we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Randomize
