i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
