Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
