This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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