We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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