just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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